


Left me Behind

by gestalt (merlin91)



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-23
Updated: 2013-07-23
Packaged: 2017-12-21 00:23:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/893636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlin91/pseuds/gestalt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin still remembers that first meeting with Arthur. The way he had looked then- all blonde and dashing and arrogant…it still sent tingles up Merlin’s spine. The way they had fallen into each other had been a complete surprise for him; he had never expected the likes of posh, gorgeous Arthur Pendragon to ever fall for the likes of him. But fall he did and the rest was history. Short term history at least because Merlin now stood clutching his phone to his ear, desperately trying to not hyperventilate as the recorded message of <em>“This number had been disconnected”</em> played over again and again.</p><p>One-shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Left me Behind

**Author's Note:**

> Unfortunately, inspired from a true story. My sis told me about this couple and the sad love story of their lives and well, i thought, love+angst= Merlin/Arthur and so after a little tweaks, this was born.  
> NOT a happy ending, sorry guys.

Merlin still remembers that first meeting with Arthur. The way he had looked then- all blonde and dashing and arrogant…it still sent tingles up Merlin’s spine. The way they had fallen into each other had been a complete surprise for him; he had never expected the likes of posh, gorgeous Arthur Pendragon to ever fall for the likes of _him_. But fall he did and the rest was history. Short term history at least because Merlin now stood clutching his phone to his ear, desperately trying to not hyperventilate as the recorded message of _“This number had been disconnected”_ played over again and again.

He called Morgana out of sheer desperation, remembering the laughing way in which Arthur had programmed her number into his cell, whispering into Merlin’s ear to use it only in case of _dire_ emergency- emergency that didn’t include having a quickie that is, and the way he had nuzzled behind his ear then, leaving Merlin squirming.

“Hello?” a rich voice answered.

“Morgana! Morgana where is he? Please Morgana, please…I can’t…please…” Merlin said into the phone, almost crying now in his desperation to reach Arthur.

He heard her sigh and exhale loudly. “Merlin, I haven’t been in contact with him at all. I don’t know where he is.”

“Please…” Merlin whispered, crying softly now. Morgana too heard the change in his voice, and her own voice went soft. “Oh Merlin…I had warned you about him, hadn’t I? If only you had listened to me…”

Merlin let the phone slide down, not bothering to disconnect because who cared anymore? Arthur had left him- he was gone. Merlin had been strong his whole life- letting disparaging comments about his lithe frame, his big ears, his pointed elbows, his missing father etcetera slide over his back without ever feeling anything about it all. He had never backed down before any bullies, had never broken. But the one thing that could have broken Merlin had now happened. Arthur Pendragon was gone from his life forever, taking all the joy that he had so carelessly given along with him, leaving Merlin with nothing but broken dreams and empty hopes.

Merlin curled up in a ball and wept.

***

Arthur straightened his crooked tie, and smoothed down his lapels. He looked at himself in the mirror- seeing the reflection of a man in his early twenties, good looking and happy. Only his eyes betrayed the turmoil within. The color of his tie was the exact shade of blue of Merlin’s eyes. Arthur closed his eyes as an image of those beautiful eyes rose up in his mind. They expressed everything Merlin ever felt- they went fond and soft whenever Arthur did something unexpected for him, and loving and affectionate when they curled up at nights, and used to laugh at him in an intimate way whenever they shared a private joke. Swallowing heavily, Arthur braced himself against the sink, trying to not let his composure break. 

The door to the bathroom swung open, and Morgana walked in, resplendent in her green bridesmaid gown. She looked at him with pity in her eyes, and Arthur looked away quickly from her reflection.

“It’s time,” she said softly. 

Arthur nodded to himself, and turned around. She walked up to him, and brushed some invisible lint of his shoulder. 

“He called, you know. He called _me_. He was crying.” 

Arthur bit back a curse. He had never liked seeing Merlin’s lovely eyes brimming with tears- he couldn’t bear to see them that way. And now _he_ was the one who was inflicting the greatest hurt upon them.

“You should have told him about this Arthur. You should have told him you were getting married. He can’t handle this- he won’t go on much longer. I could feel his desperation you know. Talk to him at least once.”

“I can’t Morgana and you know that. I can’t tell him to his face that I am getting married; I can’t watch him break down. I can’t do it.”  
“Then you are the biggest coward in the entire world,” Morgana snapped at him. “If only he had never met you!”

Arthur gasped at that, looking up and seeing a hard look in Morgana’s eyes. “You know everything! You know I would never willingly forsake him!”

“Willingly or not Arthur, this will destroy him. And you know that very well.”

“I can’t do anything else. I’m sorry… I just can’t.” Arthur turned and strode out, readying himself for the outside world. He may be breaking down inside but the outside world could never know that about a Pendragon. He put on his happy face as he entered the teeming hall. He had to put on an appearance. After all, it was his wedding day.

***

_8 months later_

Merlin picked up his scarf and wound it around his neck. He had pocketed his bike keys and taken his books- all set for teaching preschoolers. He had always loved kids, and had wanted one of his own. He had dreamt of having a family- dreamt of having it with Arthur. Now that dream too was left behind in his old town- as dusty as his hopes for a better future. He made do, and was fine, even if his mother didn’t think so. The only time he remembered _him_ was after he woke up. He sometimes called Morgana- asking nothing, just listening to her breathe. She never told him anything about Arthur, and so he had stopped asking. Just listening to her breathe somehow made him feel connected to Arthur once more. He had tried to not want to have that connection, but it was useless and so he intermittently called her- to feel something again.

He made his way to the market first- had to pick up a few toys for the kiddos. He saw a blue dragon and felt a familiar ache start up in his chest as he remembered that both he and Arthur had loved dragons. Swallowing, he moved past the aisle, intending to buy some Pooh-bears or Mickeys, and stopped dead in his tracks. There, standing in front of him in flesh and blood, was Arthur. He was bent over, picking up toys himself. Arthur turned towards Merlin, talking to someone behind him, and Merlin sucked in a sharp breath. God, he was still gorgeous. His hair-cut was new, and the way he dressed had also changed a bit, but the familiarity of that blonde head had Merlin gasping, trying to breathe, and forcing air into his spasming lungs. Arthur shifted then and Merlin saw a heavily pregnant lady smiling up at Arthur, one hand on his forearm, and the other resting on her belly. Merlin stared, unable to comprehend what was right in front of his eyes. He must have made a sound of some sort, because the next second blue, _blue_ eyes were locking with his own. He registered the shock in them, and that was it for him. He turned and fled.

***

Arthur stared at the fleeing figure, not understanding what had happened. He saw him. Merlin. Oh god, _Merlin_. 

Without answering the questioning look Mithian was giving him, he excused himself and ran after Merlin. He had to see him again, had to look into those deep blue pools and…do something. Anything- beg for forgiveness maybe? Mind whirling with thoughts, he sprinted after the still running figure and saw Merlin duck into a side-alley. Arthur ran, faster than he had ever run, and crashed into the alley. 

Merlin was leaning against the far wall, eyes closed and gasping for breath. Arthur just stared at him, taking in his profile. He looked – lovely. His heart ached at the way Merlin started shaking, immediately knowing that he was crying. Softly, he approached the man he loved and stood in front of him. Merlin didn’t look up, and bit his lip to stifle his cries. The tears still dripped down silently, and Arthur remembered a line from somewhere he had read “The deepest hurt is felt in silent tears.” Merlin was wrecked. Arthur knew he still sometimes called Morgana, immediately after waking up – as if he saw something in his dreams which gave him home for a better reality. Morgana had not told him about his marriage, and hadn’t divulged that Arthur had moved to settle at the PendraCorps’ new office location. Apparently, it seemed Merlin too had shifted here. Call it coincidence or call it fate, but here they both were, once again in each other’s personal space.

“Merlin,” he said softly, willing Merlin to look up.

Merlin took a deep breath, visibly steeling himself for talking with him. “You married. That was why you left me.” It was a statement, not a question. The emotionless way in which Merlin said it made Arthur flinch.

Arthur hesitated a minute, and then nodded. 

Merlin didn’t look at him at all. He nodded once to himself, as if settling some issue, and then straightened. He still didn’t say anything and turned to go.

“Merlin, wait...” Arthur reached out and grabbed his hand. They both gasped at the contact, and Merlin wrenched his hand away as if burned.

“Wait? Wait Arthur? What the hell do you think I’ve been doing since the day you left me without any explanation? I waited, waited for you to call me. I waited to receive some acknowledgment from you- were we breaking up, were we all right? I didn’t know. So I waited. And waited. And kept on waiting. And that’s all I have been doing ever since- waiting and hoping that I had meant at least something to you to receive _something_ back from you in return. And now I see that you have married and that you have a kid on the way- probably a boy with your hair and blue eyes, and- and-“ Merlin broke off, sobbing in earnest now.

Arthur felt his heart go out to him. He reached out and pulled Merlin into an embrace, hugging him tightly. God, it felt so good, so _right_ to have his slim body in his arms one again. He smoothed one hand down his back, trying to comfort his one-time lover. His other hand he rested on Merlin’s neck, stopping the shaking body from pushing him away. He shushed Merlin, and felt relieved when Merlin stopped pushing him ineffectually and sagged against him. “I’m so, so, so sorry, darling. I never wanted to hurt you, ever. Seeing you in so much despair makes my heart ache with grief. I wish I hadn’t gone home that day, had instead stayed over at your place. I had gone home to find father had a stroke, and he begged me to do one thing for him. He wanted me to marry Mithian, to consolidate a deal he had made with her father. He didn’t let me leave unless I promised him that, and before I even knew what was happening, I was engaged to her. I couldn’t break up with you, I just couldn’t do that and so I stayed away. I tried everything in my power to stop this madness but failed. I failed, Merlin, I failed, in the biggest test of my life. I lost you, and to be honest, I think I stopped living for a while- I was just going through the motions. But then Mithain found out she was pregnant and I have been happy since then, trying to forget you and I am ashamed I nearly succeeded.”

Merlin pushed himself away then and stared at Arthur. “You have been trying to forget me? When all I have done since then is try and hold on to each and every memory of you?”

“Merlin...”

“No Arthur, no. I get it now. You never loved me, not like I loved you. Had you actually loved me, you would never have gone through the marriage. Had I actually meant something to you, you wouldn’t be finding ways to forget me, Arthur.”

Arthur stared helplessly as Merlin looked him straight in the eye while saying all that.

“You are happy now. What about me Arthur? What was my fault that I cannot move on, cannot even begin to comprehend how to exist in a world without you? You are happy now, but me? I am _miserable_. God, I wish, I wish I had never met you again.”

Merlin wiped the tears from his cheeks and stood up straight. He looked so frail, so delicate and Arthur ached to hold him and kiss him like he used to.

“Goodbye Arthur. I think I finally got my closure. Morgana was right about you. I should’ve listened to her,” snorting bitterly, he turned to go. “Goodbye Arthur. I hope I never see you again,” he said softly and then walked away.

Arthur kept staring at his retreating back helplessly, unable to stop him. He stood there for a long time, thinking over Merlin’s accusations and shook his head. He had nothing to look forward to, except a baby, now that the love of his life had finally rejected him. He had got a closure of his own, and Arthur now sagged under the realization that Merlin had always loved and been faithful to him. It was his mistake, his own and no one else’s, because of which he was stuck in a marriage of convenience.

Arthur too turned and walked away, a familiar pain in his chest rising up. He guessed he’d have to live his life with it now that the door to his past had shut close with a resounding thud. Straightening, he went to find Mithain. That was his life now.


End file.
